Lila Carpenter
My First Test at Cal
Entering as a first year, I had been warned of Berkeley’s notoriety for testing – and breaking – supposedly strong Christian faith, but I wasn’t intimidated. Since I had survived as a Christian in Santa Cruz for eighteen years, I felt like I could single-handedly take on Berkeley. Now, a couple months later, I can already see how overconfident I was.
Within my first week at Cal I was challenged. Sitting outside Wheeler waiting for class to begin, the boy next to me and I struck up the traditional getting-to-know-you conversation: what year are you, where are you from, what classes are you taking, etc. He talked about his class on evolution, which lead to a conversation about science and philosophy. He commented on how ridiculous it was that people still believe in myths like the Bible when carbon dating and other scientific evidence supports otherwise. I said that I believed, and he asked, “Why?”
Why? It was a perfectly reasonable question given the topic. I should have been expecting it. But I wasn’t. Why? Why?! The question caught me off guard; a stranger had never outright asked me why I believed. Once the initial shock subsided, I was surprised at my inability to intelligently and immediately explain why I believed in God. I began with how I grew up in the church. “Oh, you’re brain washed,” he jested, so I tried to prove my faith is my own – my dad isn’t Christian and I was always free to choose my own path. I then tried to explain how I see my connection with Jesus as a relationship rather than a religion. As I attempted to field his questions, I could tell that neither of us was satisfied with what I was saying. Although everything I said was true, it sounded somehow both rehearsed and jumbled.
I wished that I could have given hard evidence supporting God’s existence and that I had sounded more genuine and eloquent. I wished I had immediately formed more distinct, sincere reasons for my beliefs, even if my articulation lacked clarity. Confused, I turned to the most dependable source I know: God. Looking back on my conversation with the Wheeler boy, I can now think of a million clear, specific answers for why I believe in God: because when I was really sick and doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, God healed me; because I believe that the beauty of vivid blue skies or fiery red sunsets was artistically created; because I’ve had prayers answered; because when I stargaze, I know that there must be more than what can be discovered with microscopes and scientific calculations.
From the Wheeler boy, I learned that my beliefs are never off-limits to challenge. As a lover of Jesus I always need to be prepared to share his story, because I won’t always have the luxury of planning how, when, or with whom I want to share my testimony. During my short time here at Cal, I’ve continually challenged myself to speak up, becoming increasingly comfortable with religious conversations to the point that now I’m able to talk about my faith with anyone that seems interested.
But I know sharing faith in an environment like Cal can be difficult. For anyone that is challenged, I would like to offer this advice and encouragement: when people ask you questions, respond with what you truly think or feel. Your authenticity will be appreciated, and you will know what you’re talking about. The Lord will give you words – you just need to take a step of faith by letting them out.
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January 4th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
This article concludes with the suggestion: “For anyone that is challenged, I would like to offer this advice and encouragement: when people ask you questions, respond with what you truly think or feel. Your authenticity will be appreciated, and you will know what you’re talking about.”
Here’s an awkward question I’ll throw out to readers: Should this advice also apply when talking with people in church? A lot of people go to a church because they want to be around people who think and feel the same way they do, even though this is not actually true of everyone who attends the church. And I’m not talking only about curious visitors: I’ve known church members who believed the whole of a church’s doctrinal statement when they joined, but later changed their minds; the unstated compromise, then, is that they will be allowed to remain part of the fellowship as long as they don’t say what they truly think. They expect, with good reason, that authenticity will get them in trouble. But is that a bad thing?
January 5th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Authenticity or experiencing doubt? I would say neither is a bad thing by itself. But it depends what you mean by remaining “part of the fellowship”: if we’re saying that the primary purpose of the church is to be a place “where people who think and feel the same way” can form a community, then it seems like we’re talking about a culture. Cultures have some sort of unifying principle, whether a philosophy, an ethnic heritage, a language, a history, an enemy, what have you. If the unifying principle of a religious culture is a “church’s doctrinal statement,” then I’m not sure how you can “change your mind” yet remain part of that culture. If the unifying principle of a religious culture is accepting members of the community regardless of what they believe, then sure, you can stick around, why not?
I would look stupid if I tried to claim that such a thing as Christian cultures didn’t exist in America, but I do think that the Church, the community of people who believe and follow Jesus, should operate very differently from other kinds of cultures, precisely because the Church is supposed to be composed of people from every “tribe, tongue, people, and nation.” The unifying principle of Christian community is the gospel of Jesus Christ, not some uniform philosophy (Christian theology has always been…let’s say idiosyncratic) or a single set of cultural expectations (see European history and how today we Don’t Approve of many elements of this particular Christian culture).
We hear the gospel of Jesus Christ with our own ears and our own filters, and yet this very historically specific bit of good news still seems to catch on in the most unexpected places. And I think that the Church, when it’s most properly being the Church, should be a place whose very currency is “authenticity.” In my personal experience, it’s the doubters, the broken, insecure people who can’t keep it together without faith in God, the people who struggle everyday with what faith and and love and doing the right thing means in their lives who are the strongest Christians, and whose joy in living a “Christian life” seems the most authentic and profound. It’s the goody-two-shoes evangelicals with perfect hair and perfect lives that I worry about more, frankly.
January 6th, 2009 at 12:18 am
What “church’s doctrinal statement” are you talking about? I’m doubting that there are many churches whose complete and unsullied doctrinal statements require full submission from regular lay members. Specifics, not slander, please!
January 6th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
I don’t know if there are many churches whose complete and unsullied doctrinal statements require full submission from regular lay members. But most churches DO require that in order to become a member, one must assert that one believes a certain fixed list of things. A church member might later change his mind about some of those things but still want to stick around for social reasons or for reasons of culture/tradition. Sure, a particular church might say that what defines it is its set of beliefs, but that doesn’t mean that every member will think of his church solely as a community with a specific set of beliefs, and it doesn’t mean that every member will decide he must leave that church if he changes his mind on any of the items on the list. Even if a church actually goes as far as to say clearly, “We believe X, we believe Y, and we believe Z; if you don’t agree, you’re welcome to visit, but you shouldn’t be a member”, the result is not necessarily going to be that all those who no longer believe all of X and Y and Z will give up their membership; instead, the result is going to be that many of those doubters/disbelievers are just going to try to keep up the appearance of believing X and Y and Z. Authenticity is then lost.
January 7th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Could you give an example of an “item on the list”? I kind of think there’s a difference between, say, changing your mind about infant baptism and changing your mind about the trinity, or salvation, or something like that.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:09 am
Sorry, I don’t have any examples at hand. I’ve never become a member of a church myself, but I’ve observed that in most churches, the process of becoming a member includes at some point being asked a certain set of questions (known well in advance, of course) and requiring that certain answers be given. The questions are typically about things like salvation or the trinity, not infant baptism.